Monday, July 26, 2010

The Morning after rain!

                  Some years back when I was in the first year of my engineering, during an English class we were asked to do creative writing and the topic was 'The Morning after rain". Since it was a creative writing assignment, I knew I could associate the topic to anything that came to my mind when I read out the topic aloud and start writing, which is exactly what I did. May be it was a homesickness season or may be it is that I am always homesick when I am all alone and away from home, whatever it was, 'The Morning after rain' reminded me of my tears when I was leaving New Delhi to go to Engineering College in Thanjavur. Needless to say, that was the first time I was going away from home, away from my mom :(. As I was leaving for the airport with my dad who was accompanying me to Chennai and then to the college, both me and my mom couldn't control over tears and burst out literally pouring a rain of tears. I knew my mom would have been crying all that day too, as for me, I was crying all through my flight. It was an evening flight and I reached Chennai, where I was again crying and my mouth didn't bother tasting even a single morsel of food served as dinner and I was busy crying. It was just tears all over the place. I cried all night and somehow my eyes got dead tired at one point and I slept off unknowingly at some point. It was like it had rained all night and the next morning, there was no rain anymore, I was calm and my eyes had gotten drained and no more tears were coming. I was all quiet and my eyes were hurting thanks to all the crying the previous night and my eyes felt like the ground which was exhausted of putting up with all the downpour of rain over it all night. I didn't cry beyond that point, but my mind was like a barren land, and after that slowly my mind got trained to be like that barren land which would get some rain in the form of my tears and but despite the rain never had any greenery what so ever. Somehow I got used to living away from home. 
                Then it was time to come to the US, I had ambitions to fulfill and they were the only thing on my mind and homesickness was stowed away in some corner. But over the last year, I have come to realize that I have been pretty much fooling myself like so many of us, avoiding thoughts of homesickness and loneliness. India trip was a huge catalyst in making me realize how lonely I am in the US, with boyfriend living far off and parents living far off and me having everyone, yet feeling lonely. After coming back from India, I seem to be once again coming back to the same situation I was in the first semester of Engineering where I used to cry because of loneliness. May be having a lot of friends helps people live away from home, but a reserved person that I am, I have limited number of friends. But even then deep inside, people living away from home obviously miss home a lot. Some people manage to live away from home, like I have been doing for almost 7 years now, but there is a difference, homesickness being more manageable when you have some ambitions to look to, or having a lot of friends and spending time with them. But US has made me such a loner that the only people I talk to are parents, boyfriend, three-four close friends. Ever since I returned from my India trip, I am still waiting for that morning after rain.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Religionism annoys me!

India trip particularly the 1 week visit to Chennai has been pretty exhaustive, but not too bad considering that I am not a huge fan of Chennai. As I have been growing up, my idea of god has changed quite a lot. I was at the Srirangam temple day before yesterday morning and something caught my attention inside the premises - the line " Only Hindus allowed beyond this point." The very first voice in my head exclaimed that the line was so racist. May be that was not perfectly said, but I meant to say that we claim that god is one and we openly practice religionism to the highest degree. Choices and beliefs are personal to people as I always say. People may choose to marry people of the religion they choose and may choose to follow religious practices and cultural beliefs based on their wishes. But to me, religious places should be accessible and allow the entry of any person irrespective of their race, color, caste, creed, religion and what not. As they taught us in school, when animals enter such places, we don't really throw them out or restrict their entry based on their religion or caste, then why not treat humans equally. I keep hearing from people in India about how people now are getting more and more broadminded and caste-ism, religionism, etc are slowly seeing extinction. But I don't think I would agree completely. No matter how much we claim, that these things don't exist anymore, yet, these are pretty much existent though in a smaller degree. I am not a lot into sociology, but from a layman perspective religionism exists everywhere. One morning in US, I was on a call with my mom and suddenly there was a knock on the door and I was hesitant but still went ahead and opened the door. A family of three was at the door. These people asked me some useless questions and voices in my head were screaming, " come to the point now!". Then the female says she wants to introduce me to Christianity and about me me converting into a Christian. I was completely annoyed. I mean why force people to convert to a different religion? It sucks completely. Meanwhile in India, people still are losing their minds over religions.  It is hard sometimes for masses to accept that ultimately we are still human beings. May be because we have a so- called sixth sense and since we are humans and each one of us different in our own ways; we tend to segregate ourselves based on religion. It is pretty much human nature to associate and categorize ourselves, but excessive zealousness towards one particular category which kind of portrays an addiction isn't good for the very human existence. As we move forward in time, aren't we supposed to develop ourselves and improve anything currently existent? Shouldn't we be moving towards broadmindedness? Shouldn't institutions which some people blindly follow, teach people better things? Shouldn't these teach people that god is one, and that religion is just a mere categorization and doesn't necessarily portray people as being different as in some high and some low. There has to be a realization that all this is not going to bring any good to anybody and there has to be a change in the mindset of people. Ignorance may be bliss but not for these kind of social issues.