I watched a movie called 'Up in the Air' yesterday. Aside from a few things, I learnt that heartfelt, romantic and feel good movies are not just called chick flicks but they are also called guy-cry films. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people, when did all of this become about men and women. Why are emotions such a bad thing or something people so scared of? Personally, I respect men who can truly feel and exhibit emotions as opposed to pretend stoic men. And why are emotions only associated with women? Because being ballsy enough to own up to your emotions makes you a pussy? Whatever, don't take my cursing too seriously. I do swear a lot though.
Anyway...let's talk about more serious things. There are 3 main characters in the movie -
1) Ryan (played by George Clooney), the commitment-phobic, always working-always traveling guy who wants more miles on his cards than the breaths he takes for living. He fires people for a living and always tries to tell people why life should be light and drama free.
2) Alex (played by Vera Farmiga), the female equivalent of Ryan, an older single woman, well atleast she makes you feel so for a while but she is actually a traveling salesman (LOL) who is married and has kids but is trying to live a fake imaginary life when she travels where she is single and having casual fun.
3) Natalie (played by Anna Kendrick, the Pitch Perfect girl), the young, fresh out of college, nerdy top of class well educated girl who is ambitious yet so emotionally invested in concepts like love, settling, marriage, commitment etc. In other words she still has respect for emotions.
Why am I writing about these people? Well, as I watched the movie, I just realized I could relate to 2 out of these 3 characters and was able to relate to a lot to the 3rd character only because I encounter a lot of them everyday. I started out like Natalie, naive and believing romance, love, true love, commitment, and how love can change the whole world, even when my brain told me to go fuck myself. Then after a few breakups (crappy ones) at one point I began to become Ryan. Ryan is the older but frustrated version of Natalie who could never find or give commitment, who convinced himself that life sucks but it would sound cooler if you say you are single by choice and begins to run and hide from emotions (even though deep in he still is a Natalie). Don't get me wrong, love is not bad, but lovers can be bad.
And then there is Alex. There are so many fakers out there who are married (or in a relationship) and yet truly deep inside want to be single, unhappily married (and chances are their spouses don't even know that) and just want to get out of their mundane lives and don't have the guts to do that, so they try to live a fake second parallel life where they are single. They may or may not try to screw you (Ryan or Natalie) over completely, but they always have a ready get out of jail free card that says, hey this was supposed to be casual, I can't be in a relationship with anyone, I am married, I love you but I can't leave my spouse, in another lifetime we would be together...blah blah blah and oh my favorite one is - I am still trying to find myself...are you fucking kidding me? I don't blame the Alex's of the world, they are screwed up and delusional and can even break up with over phone and still ask you if they can be friends with you. I blame all the Ryan's and Natalie's out there who think they have to settle either too soon in the game or too late in the game and think they have to settle and compromise for no real reason. There are tons of people like Alex who are never going to leave their partners but would be more than happy to drag you and drown you into their low, full-of-self-pity lives. Oh and by the way, there are a lot of single Alex's too who are never ever going to commit to you or take you too seriously and are still 'finding themselves' because they like the idea of being your bf or gf or partner or whatever but without the actual responsibilities. 'Casual' is often the equivalent of bullshit in my opinion.
Reality is that emotional vulnerability is a very risky thing. This is especially the case when you have had bitter experiences in relationships - romantic or platonic or even family related. But without it, you can never truly experience anything. If you cannot open yourselves up to enjoy something, you won't have a fully mindful experience. After all, mindfulness is not telling you to go become a monk (though that is not a bad option at all, I still consider it often, but no point, if you are doing that to escape emotions), but rather to accept yourself, others and the world in general and look at things as they are. Love is the most beautiful feeling but is also capable of throwing immense pain and suffering. Love is about giving and not taking and is not a source that is going to be extinguished and non-replenishable. So you if you truly love to love then there is no stopping you, just accept that it can lead to pain and joy at the same time and each failed relationship comes with a lot of lessons and will teach you when to back off and when to invest emotional energy and when to completely walk away and never look back. And since we are talking about giving love to others, what you need to realize is that you must give a lot of that love to yourself. If you accept yourself, nourish yourself and be kind to yourself, good things will automatically get attracted to you and screw it if they don't, you have yourself to love you. Be happy with yourself and by yourself if need be but do that before trying to share your love with others. Moral of the story - Don't let the Natalie inside you die a premature death by feeding yourself bullshit stories even if they come from a place of self preservation, life is too short to live like a stone.
Anyway...let's talk about more serious things. There are 3 main characters in the movie -
1) Ryan (played by George Clooney), the commitment-phobic, always working-always traveling guy who wants more miles on his cards than the breaths he takes for living. He fires people for a living and always tries to tell people why life should be light and drama free.
![[Movie]型男飛行日記：Up in the Ai by bangdoll@flickr, on Flickr](https://farm6.static.flickr.com/5161/5192233532_5a995a1d3e_b.jpg "[Movie]型男飛行日記：Up in the Ai by bangdoll@flickr, on Flickr")
2) Alex (played by Vera Farmiga), the female equivalent of Ryan, an older single woman, well atleast she makes you feel so for a while but she is actually a traveling salesman (LOL) who is married and has kids but is trying to live a fake imaginary life when she travels where she is single and having casual fun.
3) Natalie (played by Anna Kendrick, the Pitch Perfect girl), the young, fresh out of college, nerdy top of class well educated girl who is ambitious yet so emotionally invested in concepts like love, settling, marriage, commitment etc. In other words she still has respect for emotions.
Why am I writing about these people? Well, as I watched the movie, I just realized I could relate to 2 out of these 3 characters and was able to relate to a lot to the 3rd character only because I encounter a lot of them everyday. I started out like Natalie, naive and believing romance, love, true love, commitment, and how love can change the whole world, even when my brain told me to go fuck myself. Then after a few breakups (crappy ones) at one point I began to become Ryan. Ryan is the older but frustrated version of Natalie who could never find or give commitment, who convinced himself that life sucks but it would sound cooler if you say you are single by choice and begins to run and hide from emotions (even though deep in he still is a Natalie). Don't get me wrong, love is not bad, but lovers can be bad.
And then there is Alex. There are so many fakers out there who are married (or in a relationship) and yet truly deep inside want to be single, unhappily married (and chances are their spouses don't even know that) and just want to get out of their mundane lives and don't have the guts to do that, so they try to live a fake second parallel life where they are single. They may or may not try to screw you (Ryan or Natalie) over completely, but they always have a ready get out of jail free card that says, hey this was supposed to be casual, I can't be in a relationship with anyone, I am married, I love you but I can't leave my spouse, in another lifetime we would be together...blah blah blah and oh my favorite one is - I am still trying to find myself...are you fucking kidding me? I don't blame the Alex's of the world, they are screwed up and delusional and can even break up with over phone and still ask you if they can be friends with you. I blame all the Ryan's and Natalie's out there who think they have to settle either too soon in the game or too late in the game and think they have to settle and compromise for no real reason. There are tons of people like Alex who are never going to leave their partners but would be more than happy to drag you and drown you into their low, full-of-self-pity lives. Oh and by the way, there are a lot of single Alex's too who are never ever going to commit to you or take you too seriously and are still 'finding themselves' because they like the idea of being your bf or gf or partner or whatever but without the actual responsibilities. 'Casual' is often the equivalent of bullshit in my opinion.
Reality is that emotional vulnerability is a very risky thing. This is especially the case when you have had bitter experiences in relationships - romantic or platonic or even family related. But without it, you can never truly experience anything. If you cannot open yourselves up to enjoy something, you won't have a fully mindful experience. After all, mindfulness is not telling you to go become a monk (though that is not a bad option at all, I still consider it often, but no point, if you are doing that to escape emotions), but rather to accept yourself, others and the world in general and look at things as they are. Love is the most beautiful feeling but is also capable of throwing immense pain and suffering. Love is about giving and not taking and is not a source that is going to be extinguished and non-replenishable. So you if you truly love to love then there is no stopping you, just accept that it can lead to pain and joy at the same time and each failed relationship comes with a lot of lessons and will teach you when to back off and when to invest emotional energy and when to completely walk away and never look back. And since we are talking about giving love to others, what you need to realize is that you must give a lot of that love to yourself. If you accept yourself, nourish yourself and be kind to yourself, good things will automatically get attracted to you and screw it if they don't, you have yourself to love you. Be happy with yourself and by yourself if need be but do that before trying to share your love with others. Moral of the story - Don't let the Natalie inside you die a premature death by feeding yourself bullshit stories even if they come from a place of self preservation, life is too short to live like a stone.
