I was watching this talk show called Neeya Naana on the internet the other day. For those who don't know about this show, it airs on Star Vijay- Tamil channel. A debatable topic is presented to two groups of people and everyone expresses their views on the topic. The last time I watched this show, the debate was about the kind of girls preferred by guys for marriage. The two kinds being - highly educated girls and beautiful girls. The argument started on a calm note and eventually there were heated arguments. Overall, I loved watching this episode of the show. But, its sad that the feeling the arguments gave me was that, marriage is about power struggle. I believed marriage is a lifelong companionship with your partner and is a bond of love, care and affection.
I cant speak for girls and guys all over the world, being from India, I do know quite a lot about people in India. Most girls and guys who are getting ready for marriage come into the relationship with tons of expectations. Eventually, it becomes a power struggle between the couple. The husband wants the wife to listen to him, thats the prime expectation I keep hearing from men. Meanwhile wife wants her opinion to be valued. My mom keeps saying that, the tolerance in people of current generation is much lower than people of the older generation. While traditionally, man of the house always got powers to make decisions and lead the family, now, wives find it difficult to accept it because they feel men are being chauvinistic. What should be a love bond slowly starts becoming an ego clash and clash of ideas. Eventually what happens is, there is a power struggle as to who is right and who is wrong and shade worse situation is where husband and wife do everything to contradict their spouse even if the spouse is making sense.
So during the debate when men were asked if they wanted a beautiful wife or a well educated wife, few said they wanted a beautiful wife and very few said they wanted well educated wife. While quite a few responses were in favour of having a wife who was both beautiful and well educated, overall, maximum number of guys said leave apart beauty, they wanted a wife who wasnt more educated than them and the reason being, a well educated wife would not listen to them and would not respect them. It kind of gave me a feeling that men get intimidated by a well educated and well opinionated woman. Ultimately most guys on the show were talking about how they want their wives to listen to them. It depresses me when I think about all this. Afterall, is this what marriage is all about? Marriage is a lifelong bond and when people come into the relationship with a mindset that they would not let the other person dominate them, marriage is going to be in big trouble. Rather I would go into a relationship with a mindset that I would not dominate the other person. Everyone wants to be accepted and wants their points to be agreed upon by their partner. But when proving your point becomes a priority in the relationship, it is not going to help anyone. Accept your partner for the person they are. There is no point in getting married to someone with preconceived notions about them.