Sunday, June 27, 2010

The God and the Satan in me!

I am not a believer of idol worship. But I am not an atheist either. When I feel sane, I believe in a supreme force who I call god and I talk to him sometimes, make wishes, and consider him my guardian angel who resides inside me who will take care of me when I am in utmost need. This is not an area of expertise for me, but if Newton's third law is applied not just on verbs but on nouns as well, for a good force there has to be an opposing negative or bad force. Different religions call these negative forces differently. But for my convenience and ease, I am going to call it the Satan. (Thanks to several novels I have read :P). Sometimes I feel, I am slowly being dominated by the Satan in me. The god in me hasn't really vanished, but is probably now becoming dormant inside me. But the satan in me, is beginning to be more prominent in my attitude several times. Much too often, I feel this wrath of rage inside me, keeps popping out every now and then, particularly when people talk non stop and that too about me growing up and about the fact that I should get married, or when I feel someone is treating someone badly, or when I feel an air of unnecessary fear, tension around me and so many more things, some of them utterly silly. Yes, it is true that many a times I am way too hard on myself, and I don't know why. Anyways coming back to the Satan. I don't feel like killing people or like biting them or anything, but yes, I get mad with rage sometimes. May be I should conveniently blame it on the society. I am probably mad at several social norms. I lose my mind when people talk about women as being inferior even in the faintest of matters, or when people drive me nuts with some of the ridiculous superstitious beliefs. I agree a belief is something personal but I don't think it makes sense to impose one's beliefs on others, if they don't like it. My preference towards less talk and to do what I like, as fair as possible though, is defined as arrogance, my confidence comes across as cocky. Satan in me doesn't care about what others think, but the left over god in me sometimes feels that I am losing control over my temper and my tongue and doesn't like my perception of what the society or in a smaller scale, relatives think of me. But then coming to think of it, if I were arrogant, I wouldn't be writing about this here and if I were perfect there wouldn't have been a need to write about this in the first place. Well that sounded like some justification I am giving to myself. As I am writing this and reading it back, I feel it all comes down to perception, because according to me good, bad are both relative. These days, every time I feel overwhelmed that I am filled with Satan, I ask myself about the intentions of my rage within or some of my actions or words. The answer is clear- my intention is not to harm or hurt anyone. I try not to fool myself by trying to be nice, when I don't feel good about something. It's a matter of sheer low tolerance or may be just being open about how I feel. I am still not sure if the Satan is dominant or the god is dominant, I am just doing what I feel. That being said, I have decided to work a little on my tolerance and good or bad, I think it is fair enough to do what makes you happy but only if it really makes you happy.                

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Wisdom Teeth

            I was at a dentist's the other day and as she was checking out my teeth, she suddenly said, where did this wisdom come from? For a minute, I felt she was a shrink and not a dentist. And then she says, she was referring to my wisdom tooth which was coming out. I was wondering why the wisdom teeth are called wisdom teeth indeed. There are probably multiple theories for wisdom teeth. But from my understanding biologically, I dont feel, wisdom teeth can be associated with any wisdom, but actually can be associated with pain and irritation.Wisdom teeth in most people either impacts the teeth surrounding it or impacts itself or the gums and what not. To me, wisdom teeth are like uninvited guests who just show up even when you don't want them around. And my understanding is that extraction process of these teeth is also a pretty painful affair.  
           So then why associate this with wisdom? I dont even think it makes sense. No teeth is going to bring in wisdom into us. One of the theories about wisdom teeth is that these appear at a point or age of our lives when we get wisdom. This theory is much more sensible than other theories about the same. But to  be honest, this theory in its own way is stupid. Wisdom psychologically doesn't come just with age, but with experience and more exposure to knowledge and tough life situations, and as a matter of fact, research  (Univ of Cal) suggests that wisdom is associated with more than one brain center getting activated, depending upon the situations your brain faces. Meanwhile philosophers associate wisdom with spirituality and intuition. Intuition itself according to me comes from experience and is not something completely innate. Some of the terms coined for things are completely misleading and we as humans always try to categorize things and always have a need to associate everything with something or the other. So our forefathers probably had to associate these teeth which forcefully grow at an age when we think all our permanent teeth have grown completely and they associated these with age and maturity that begins to emerge higher at around this age. It could also be an indication to tell you that you are no more a kid and that you have to grow up now.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Creative Void!

Off late, I have been having a creative void. As a matter of fact, for over a year now, I often feel that I have lost my creativity. I used to be able to draw, paint, do craft work, write essays, make scrapbooks etc etc etc. I have been consoling myself by reminding myself of the stress I have been through, the busy schedules I have been having. However, not sure if that is the reason for this creative void. I have lost my creativity in blogging too. So I have been try to creatively think for the past couple of days as to why people could have a creative void. Probably it is a lack of motivation, or may be it is the height of boredom, or may be it is depression or may be it is a latent stress because of procrastinating too many things whatever the reason is, a creative void feels pretty difficult to overcome.

There are some psychological techniques to increase one's creativity. As soon as a creative idea or thought strikes our mind, it is a great idea to capture that in a diary, or a journal or a piece of paper. The next thing would be to challenge the mind by trying to do new things, trying to solve new, different problems. Beyond both of these, our environments and surroundings majorly help increase our creativity. As much as I have put down some ways to help increase creativity, that much I have to admit that I am unable to overcome my creative void. May be this effort to write about creative void would kindle back my creativity.