Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Secret of Success - There is no secret

Last year sometime I watched Kungfu Panda, a nice movie. One thing I remember from the movie is the secret recipe for the soup, the Panda's dad was going to teach him and in the end Panda would be told that the secret recipe is that there no secret. In real life too we go around looking for secret ways to miraculously achieve success. But we almost all the time fail to understand that, the real secret of success is that there is no secret. We humans are often tempted to look for short cuts to achieving what we want. I recently watched a hindi movie called ShortKut. It was about two men trying to make it big in the movie industry. One of them being a very hardworking guy and the other one being the kind of guy who always looks for shortcuts to success. In the end in the movie, we are shown that the moral of the story is that people who look for shortcuts to success, never quite make it big. Hardwork would never fail you. Sucess comes slowly and doesnt come overnight, if it does, remember it wont last long. Just do your best you can in anything you do and success will come through eventually. For a student, there is no success without studying, for someone doing a job, success would be attained by working hard, giving in the best. No matter what profession you are in, no matter what you do, no matter how trivial or how super critical it is, dont look for secret weapons for getting done with things, you will get nowhere. So real secret to success is that there is no secret.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Illayaraja Paadalgal

Often people say that good music can relax your soul. People have different choices when it comes to the type of music which they feel relaxes them. But when it comes to tamilians, I can almost guarantee that 90% of people would agree with me that Illayaraja's melodies are soothing to the ears. During my college days, often during late nights, I would have my hostel room windows and later my house windows open, letting in the beautiful Tanjore breeze and Illayaraja's melodies playing on the radio or on my computer. That was one of the best relaxations I could ever have. Today again, I am doing the same, listening to some of Illayaraja's melodies. Illayaraja is a living genious, I am sure everyone would agree. :)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Intelligent Conversation

Intelligent conversation - lately I have been hearing this more than often. Someone I was talking to, the other day, mentioned about this. At that time, I just said, I have to intelligent to have an intelligent conversation. Later on that day, I tried find out about what an intelligent conversation is, just to make sure, I didnt have any funny conceptions about the same. As I did that, I realized, one of my big turn ons is intelligent conversation. What I also realized is that, you dont have to be a genious for having an intelligent conversation. But I do feel this is more of a lost art now. When two people are talking, if one of the two people is hardly talking, of course, the whole question of an intelligent conversation doesnt arise there. Similarly, when two people are only trying to defend their points, the conversation may well be called an argument. Intelligent conversation goes along the lines of a healthy discussion, where two people share their views on various different things though with an open mind.
I believe I have an intelligent conversation almost 90% of the time when I am talking to my mom. We discuss various different topics. Many a times, I have taken cabs and have really good conversations with some of the cab drivers. Similarly with some of my friends. While with a lot of my friends, I just yak around, but there are some close friends of mine, who are capable of and love having intelligent conversations. Often time we talk about topics which could include anything from psychology, general human tendency, movies, computers etc etc. But as I mentioned earlier, this is more of a lost art now. It is sad but true that these days, people get bored of each other too soon and have low levels of tolerance and dont even want to have a conversation with others.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Pursuit of Happiness- Within us

I am the last person who should be talking about this topic. :). But still I am going to take a bold step and write about this. From my experiences, I am writing this. Up until my undergrad days, I believed I was happy. I guess the reason was, I did what I felt like, had goals, worked to achieve them, apart from them,I had my little hobbies which kept me occupied. Besides I was living with my parents and brother. So I was overall happy with my life and secure in my life. Then came my undergrad days, starting which, I realize now, I started looking for happiness in others as opposed to looking for it within myself. Since then up until recently, mostly I have been looking for happiness in others. Although, I continued to have goals, but I started depending so much on others for my happiness, I believe, I gave up on a lot of activities which probably used to make me happy as a kid. I guess, a lot of us make the same mistake. Be it from parents, or friends, or gfs/bfs or your spouse, we can definitely try to make them happy and it might make us happy. But in return, you might start depending on them for your happiness, at one point, without your own knowledge you will kind of stop loving yourself. Your dependence on others for love would increase a lot and soon, your expectations of others will also increase a lot. All this will lead the others around you to feel pressurized by your expectations. What this leads to is, people leaving you or kind of running away from you and ultimately loneliness. Instead of scaring away people from you, would it not be smart to look for happiness within? I am not preaching staying away from people altogether, all I mean to say is that, your happiness lies right within you, so dont go around looking for happiness in material objects or in others, you might get some temporary happiness and if by any chance these people or objects dont exist in the future in your life, you will be depressed and would be desperate to find a replacement for the people/things we assumed made us happy.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

A day of relaxation!

Hardworking ( ha ha ha) people like me are often stressed out. Thanks to a million things for that. So I decided to treat myself today. Spent about several hours at a spa today. Got a full body massage, a facial, a pedicure:). I guess, it was a much needed break I gave myself, owing to the extremely stressful days I have had recently. A lot of us, particularly women, sometimes get too engrossed in several things and forget that their body needs to relax. An occasional trip to the spa is definitely a great way to relax and get rid of some stress. One thing I have noticed often is that people who get into a relationship, become so attached to and engrossed in the relationship that they forget to spend sometime on themselves. In the process what happens is when by any chance the relationship ends, these women, find themselves completely lost. Unlike this, if people spend sometime on themselves and relax themselves every now and then, the relationship would be much more smooth and easy. Similarly some people get extremely engrossed in their work and their daily schedules that they keep accumulating stress and this stress shows up as different types of aches in their body. Each person has their own way of dealing with stress, but be it any way, but do take out time for relaxing and getting your stress out.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Friday the 13th!- Paraskavedekatriaphobia

Today is Friday the 13th :). Reminded me immediately of the movie Friday the 13th. Also reminded me of a common belief, that Friday the 13th is associated with badluck. So I went into and looked up Friday the 13th. This is what I found-

"The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskevidekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (Παρασκευή) (meaning Friday), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς) (meaning thirteen), attached to phobía (φοβία) (meaning fear). The term triskaidekaphobia derives from the Greek words "tris", meaning 'three', "kai", meaning 'and', and "deka", meaning 'ten'. the whole word means three and ten. "

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Neeya Naana ( A Power Struggle)

I was watching this talk show called Neeya Naana on the internet the other day. For those who don't know about this show, it airs on Star Vijay- Tamil channel. A debatable topic is presented to two groups of people and everyone expresses their views on the topic. The last time I watched this show, the debate was about the kind of girls preferred by guys for marriage. The two kinds being - highly educated girls and beautiful girls. The argument started on a calm note and eventually there were heated arguments. Overall, I loved watching this episode of the show. But, its sad that the feeling the arguments gave me was that, marriage is about power struggle. I believed marriage is a lifelong companionship with your partner and is a bond of love, care and affection.
I cant speak for girls and guys all over the world, being from India, I do know quite a lot about people in India. Most girls and guys who are getting ready for marriage come into the relationship with tons of expectations. Eventually, it becomes a power struggle between the couple. The husband wants the wife to listen to him, thats the prime expectation I keep hearing from men. Meanwhile wife wants her opinion to be valued. My mom keeps saying that, the tolerance in people of current generation is much lower than people of the older generation. While traditionally, man of the house always got powers to make decisions and lead the family, now, wives find it difficult to accept it because they feel men are being chauvinistic. What should be a love bond slowly starts becoming an ego clash and clash of ideas. Eventually what happens is, there is a power struggle as to who is right and who is wrong and shade worse situation is where husband and wife do everything to contradict their spouse even if the spouse is making sense.
So during the debate when men were asked if they wanted a beautiful wife or a well educated wife, few said they wanted a beautiful wife and very few said they wanted well educated wife. While quite a few responses were in favour of having a wife who was both beautiful and well educated, overall, maximum number of guys said leave apart beauty, they wanted a wife who wasnt more educated than them and the reason being, a well educated wife would not listen to them and would not respect them. It kind of gave me a feeling that men get intimidated by a well educated and well opinionated woman. Ultimately most guys on the show were talking about how they want their wives to listen to them. It depresses me when I think about all this. Afterall, is this what marriage is all about? Marriage is a lifelong bond and when people come into the relationship with a mindset that they would not let the other person dominate them, marriage is going to be in big trouble. Rather I would go into a relationship with a mindset that I would not dominate the other person. Everyone wants to be accepted and wants their points to be agreed upon by their partner. But when proving your point becomes a priority in the relationship, it is not going to help anyone. Accept your partner for the person they are. There is no point in getting married to someone with preconceived notions about them.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Trust your instincts!

God is everywhere. God resides inside each one of us. I strongly god resides inside us in the form of our instincts. A lot of us have the habit of taking our insticts lightly. But trust me this is my experiences talking here, instincts never ever lie. My second experience with the so called bharatmatrimony was huge disaster. My instincts told me quite early on, something about the guy did not feel right. Similarly several times my instincts have held me up from doing certain things. But human that I am, I do possess the disgusting habit of going against the norms. Everytime I have done it, I have ended up in big troubles. Life does pose us with lot of confusions and problems but we get one first chance of dealing with it in the form of our instincts. This is useful in almost every action you take in life. But I believe when it comes to relationships, instincts are life saviours though not everyone would agree. It is very easy to give in to temptations and take your instincts lightly. But 9/10 times you can rest assured you are going to be in trouble. When you are trying to date someone or looking through a matrimony website to find a potential life partner, trust your instincts more than anything else. Now I don't mean to say, you have completely give in to your instincts, I just mean to say, keep in mind what instincts have to say and get data. I hate jumping into conclusions about someone with limited data. But almost invariably most of the time my data ultimately tells me what my intuition was trying to tell me earlier. So trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right accept it and do not proceed until it feels right.

Paranormal Activity

Ghosts! This is a topic which I guess intrigues almost everyone! Parapsychology is a very controversial field in psychology. A lot of people dismiss talks about supernatural forces, ghost etc saying that there are no scientific proofs for any of these. But these same people believe in stuff like astrology and horoscopes. Isn't it absolutely weird? We tend to believe in anything which may have a positive influence on us, even if it could be false. I have heard several stories about ghosts particularly when I used to live in hostel during my college days. Apparently, my hostel was built on a land which used to be a graveyard earlier. As a kid I used to be absolutely scared of watching horror movies. But then as I grew up, as weird as it sounds, to get rid of my fear of horror movies, I actually started watching more horror movies and mostly alone. As I watched more and more, at one point, I started finding these horror movies to be funny than scary. Even as I am writing this, I am actually watching a horror flick.

Today I heard about this movie called Paranormal Activity, currently being claimed to be one of the scariest movies ever made. Lets see if I would watch it sometime. I think the success of a horror movie lies in the element of fear created in the movie. A horror movie doesn't need to be gory in order to be scary. Movies like Grudge are much more scary as compared to movies like Evil dead or The exorcist. Apparently Paranormal Activity is not a gory movie, but is very scary. Someday when I take psychology seriously, one of my fantasies is to research in the field of parapsychology.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Ugly Truth 2- Someone you love Vs Someone who loves you = Success Vs Happiness

So here I am back to blogging. I try my best to write everyday, but somehow, it just doesn't seem to work out. I am going to talk about another lesson learnt in life. Sometime last year, my younger bro was telling me, about how much happier I will be if I choose to be with someone who loves me as opposed to being with someone I love. At that time, what my brother seemed to be right to me, but not much acceptable to my heart. I guess I always learn things the hard way. I always define success and happiness in single lines. Success is getting what you like and Happiness is liking what you get. I think the definitions of these are no different when it comes to relationships.

Oftentimes, we supposedly like people, fall in love with them or whatever. We begin to rationalize their actions, though not all of their actions make us happy. I am absolutely no exception to this. Infact I believe, I do this almost all the time. But on the other hand, when someone likes you, they rationalize your actions, they understand you, they try to do things to make you happy. In the long run I think one will be happy being with someone who loves them as opposed to being with someone they love. Success might give you a feeling of triumph and a temporary happiness, but it is not going to give you the eternal happiness and peace of mind you need in life. By being with someone who loves you, you are making yourself happy and making them successful, win-win right? There might be people who would argue with what I am saying. As a matter of fact, I might have argued this point myself earlier in my life.

Ultimately all of us want to be happy, accepted and liked. I have seen many people do this, and of course I am absolutely no less, I have done this. What I am talking about is going after someone madly just because you like them whether they like you are not. You give up your ego, and beyond a point your self esteem and go after someone who may not really be worth it. You cry, you let them break your heart, you let them act just as they want just because you believe you like them. Think about it, what is the point in doing all this? When someone doesn't care about you, your acts are only going to make you appear claustrophobic and clingy. And after a point you will ultimately give up and then think about it and be annoyed with how stupid you acted. There is this quote about tears that I love-

" No one is worth your tears, and the one who is, will never let you cry."

So very true. Instead of putting all these efforts and losing your mind on someone who doesn't care much, if only we put half of those efforts on liking someone who loves us, we would be so very happy in life. That reminds me of another one of my favorite quotes-

" Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone. "

Someone who loves us will never leave us alone and even if they do it, they probably would do it to make us happy. Loneliness hurts more than any pain one can have. Think about it, do you want to be happy or successful in a relationship? I have decided atleast for myself that I will be with someone who loves me and values me.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Ugly Truth 1- You will always make time for things you value

Well, having always been interested in how relationships work, I am going to write some ugly truths about relationships,I have been learning in my life. It is true we always make time for things we value- be it career, studies, sports we play or follow, or anything we are passionate about and think is worth our time. So I guess people are no exception to this list I just mentioned. When you value someone, for the most part, you will not take them for granted and treat them well. By treating someone well, I dont mean just talking to them nicely when you do talk to them. But it really means, making the other person feel that you value them, consider them important, like talking to them, spending time with them and for them etc. Oftentimes, we feel powerful when we kind of ignore someone and know that they would be waiting for our call or waiting to hear from us. Call me egoistic or whatever, this is the truth, doesnt it make you feel great when you know someone likes you and is waiting to hear from you. But just think about how you will feel,if you like someone and are waiting to hear from them and they dont bother getting in touch with you. You might raise your ego and say, well, I dont really care. But there are times you do really care, but just dont want to show it out. Anyways, coming back to my original point, you will always make time for things you value. If you value a person, no matter how busy you are, no matter what is happening in your life, you will make atleast a minute for them.But then, there is just another piece to this. Make time for someone if you really like them and not just for the heck of it. Ultimately if you dont really care about someone, its going to show up someway or the other. Most often we find it very convenient to assume that the other person is not aware of what is happening. In the sense, we assume, the other person is not really sure, if you are avoiding them, or just making the least possible effort to hold on to them. This could be true for a while, but afterall how long will the other person be ignorant about your attitude? Lets consider this, as humans we have this disgusting habit of making excuses for the other person. When someone doesnt call you when they said they would, you make excuses for them,may be they lost my number,may be they lost their phone, may be this, may be that. It could be true for once, or twice or may be thrice, but beyond that, who are you kidding? Truth is, when you want something badly,u will do everything for it. Similarly, when you really value someone, you will not take them for granted and will do everything to make them happy.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Disgusting end to the day!

The day started pretty nicely this morning. Overall I had a smooth weekend, or atleast I thought so. I had taken an oath to do everything I could to get rid of the dark circles under my eyes which have developed over last couple of months. I laid down a few plans for the same too. But boom...what happened at the end of the day now at almost 2 AM. My eyes were filled with tears. I cried cried cried and cried and now, i look into the mirror, my eyelids feel swollen. All my efforts went for a six in just a matter of few minutes. Guess certain things become inevitable despite all planning. All I can do now, is to start all over again tomorrow. I am sincerely hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow being Monday, I wish, me and everyone have a great week ahead.