Friday, October 30, 2009

Canned Responses

Wondering what these are? Well, Canned responses are predetermined responses to common questions. Rather than typing again and again the same answer, or pasting from some other resource the operator can insert a canned response triggered by keystrokes or from a drop down menu.

I was working on writing a software requirements document today where I had to write about canned responses. While writing about it, it just struck me, how even in our daily lives, we use various canned responses. Let me give you some examples. When a wife wants the husband to take her out shopping, the husband has a few canned responses he would always pick from to avoid going from one shop to another carrying bags. These canned responses could include, having lot of work and not being able to come home soon, or, feeling very tired and not feeling too well etc. When a girl brings up the marriage topic, the boyfriend who is not ready for commitment will pick from his set of canned responses. Similarly, for showing up late at work, we always come up with one of the few usual responses which include, heavy traffic or an accident, or flat tire etc etc. Often people give me any one of their canned responses, for any question that I ask them frequently. Amazes me, how we use such responses as a way of escapism or avoiding confrontation. Oh by the way, I am not any good either, I am a queen of using canned responses, but, then I try to vary them a lot.. ;)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

6 songs that I wish, are sung for me!

The songs here are those, I wish (the) someone would sing for me... :)

What is 'ego' anyway?

In the last week, on more than one occasion, the word ego sprung into my conversations with people. This made me wonder, if I am an egoist? I decided to google what ego is and damn, I found too many results. The most sensible data I got about ego is right here in quotes - " A simple psychological definition of the ego is something like the "self-organizing principle," that all-important command center in the psyche that coordinates the different aspects of the self. And that command center must be in good working order for a human being to be able to function in the world with any reasonable degree of competency. The ego as self-organizing principle is neither positive nor negative; its function is mechanistic, and in that, it has no self nature. But there is another definition of ego— the ego in that definition has self nature. The human face of that ego is pride; is arrogant self-importance; is narcissistic self-infatuation; is the need to see oneself as being separate at all times, in all places, through all circumstances—and that ego is the unrelenting enemy of all that is truly wholesome in the human experience. "
This kind of answered my question. A lot of times, frankness and speaking your truth, comes as arrogance and egoism to a lot of people. My introspection gives me data which says that, per the above definition of ego, I am egoistic if the first definition of ego is considered right and I am not egoistic if the second definition of ego is considered right. I could try to make every person I know, understand that I am not really an egoist, but then whats the point? I am really not trying to prove any point here. All I really am trying to say is, if speaking out my mind is egoism, then yes, I am an egoist. Similarly, if being assertive is egoism, then yes, I am an egoist. If standing up for myself is egoism, then yes I am an egoist. If defending myself when others treat me like a piece of crap, then yes I am an egoist.
As humans, every single one of us is selfish. Afterall, that is why we are humans. Don't we remember, Darwin's theory? But sometimes, being focused and determined, is misinterpreted as being selfish. I believe that as long as you don't have an intent to ha
rm anyone emotionally, mentally and physically to achieve your goals, you are not to be called self centered.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I love kids!

I never knew, that I would fall in love with little kids. When I was in my early teens,I used to always like to stay away from kids, except of course my younger bro. Slowly, the feeling changed as I grew. But recently I got a chance to spend an afternoon with second grade kids. Infact,I will be doing that every week till next summer I guess. :). I have to admit, when I was in the school with the kids, I forgot my worries,my stress and everything on my mind. I was supposed to teach about jobs and businesses to kids. What ended up happening was, as I was telling them things, I was letting them tell me little things about themselves. I loved to see that curiosity, that eagerness of kids to speak. I wanted to make sure, no kid was left out. And believe me, kids these days are really really smart,not sure, if I was as smart as these second grade kids when I was in second grade :P. As I was walking inside the school,looking for the classroom I was supposed to go to. I was slowly transported to my school days and it made me unbelievably happy and it took me a few minutes to realize that I was actually smiling all along the way. The days when I went to school alone and then the six years I went to school with my younger brother were like coming back to life. What I realized was that, it is so much fun to be with kids, because their love is unbiased and true. I cant wait to go back and visit them again. :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dont give anyone more importance than what they deserve!

One of my ex boyfriends, used to tell me this line " Dont give anyone more importance than what they deserve", during the short time period of our relationship. I later realized that I should have done the same for him. I probably had done for the most part, so when the relationship ended, neither was i broken, nor surprised. But there was one thing which he did, to completely sabotage my self confidence. Breaking up is a part of life, but there are nice ways of doing it, while leaving, he called me a liar, said that he had wasted all of his time on my problems though in reality, he never even had time to talk to me. For quite sometime, my mind believed what he said, though it was absolutely false. May be i was so shocked that I believed the crap i was told. It took my bff almost a year to get me out of that belief. This was just an example of how some loser in your life can shake the self confidence and self esteem you have. It is so easy to say that you have to be strong, and should not let anyone damage your self esteem. I was always one of the most confident and sharp persons who was loved by several people, may be still am ;). But some events like these can shake the base of the strongest of buildings too. However, I did recover and then as history repeats itself, a similar story took place in my life. But this time in the worst possible way. These things have made me wonder if it is worth loving someone? Is it worth showering affection on someone? The question that comes to my mind is am I not supposed to give up my ego completely for someone, but in the process dont I lose my self esteem. It has always been tricky. I havent found a solution to this issue. But one lesson I have learnt is that, ego will automatically hide itself for people who love us, and not who we love. If someone loves you truly, there would be no question of ego. But people who try to treat you like trash, dont deserve a very nice treatment. I used to be a follower of Gandhiji and probably still am for the most part and used to believe in loving all and hating no one. I have learnt now, u need not hate anyone, but you dont have to love everyone. That brings me to the line my ex bf told me, dont give anyone more importance than what they deserve. People who love you, value you and respect you deserve your importance, love, care and concern, but those who are trying to put you down are losers. You can try to love them, but remember it could cost you your sanity. I am not preaching tit for tat concept here. But I have come to learn that people who dont care about you are not worth your time, your thoughts.

Killer called insecurity

Right from my childhood I have often suffered from this disease called insecurity. As a kid, when people teased me, I used to so often feel low about myself and feel I am not good enough. Thanks to my parents, later my brother and then of course my bff that during several phases of life everytime I felt insecure they were always with me, they still are.
I have tried hard to understand why people feel insecure, in particular, I paid attention to why I have always been insecure. At different times of introspections, I have gotten different answers to this question. Yet what I have come to realize is that, a lot of times rejections lead to insecurities. When people who were close leave your life and go, when someone rejects the person you are and when all efforts you put in to make someone happy ultimately yeild in nothing but tears, insecurity is natural. But what I have also come to learn from life is that, one of the best ways to get rid of insecurity is to accept first that you are insecure. This itself is like half battle won. When you have the guts to accept that you are insecure, smart thing to do would be to avoid any sources of insecurity. We always feel that we are not good enough for some people, but in the process, we forget that we are loved and liked for what we are by some people. It is these people who really care for you. I always try to be upfront about my insecurities, and most people try to run away from me when I talk about them, but there are some gutsy people who really care about me and stay with me and with time, they give me so much of confidence that, I forget insecurity with them.
This is one side of the puzzle, the other side though is to work within yourself to get rid of this beast. As i mentioned, acceptance is the first step. After that, remind yourself that you are worth everything and everyone. Remember god has made each of us with a purpose. Just because a bunch of losers make us feel low does not in anyway mean that we are bad or low or inferior. I am not going to say, look into the mirror and smile at yourself. But then remind yourself that afterall you are also like any other human being and deserve to be happy and loved and people who cannot love are people who have issues of their own. One thing insecure people always do is sulk from within and keep pitying their condition. Self pity has never ever helped anyone. These people eventually become so miserable that they live their lives with a fear. That reminds me of Po Bronson's line - Get rid of the fear factor, pursue your dreams. Easier said than done, but definitely not impossible. Surround yourself with positive thoughts and positive people. Remember you cannot be nice to everyone and cannot please everyone. If someone leaves you, that is not because you were not good enough, but because they were losers, who did not have the courage to be with you. People who really love you will never ever leave you and be with you, even when you are in the worst of your shapes.
I have also been always taught by some of my well wishers that sometimes, you can be happy with yourself and happiness does not have to come from the people around. I always get confused on this statement that happiness comes from within. But may be it really is true. Pursuit of happiness should probably begin from within.
The reason, I am writing this blog here today, is because after a lot of struggle, yet again today, I felt insecure and I had to go back to basics and convince myself that I am good enough and if someone ignores me then they can very well go hang themselves. Afterall we have this one life and all we want is to be happy.