Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I hate backbiting!

Anytime I am asked to write about my pet hates, be it in any social networking site, I always mention that something that I hate the most is backbiting. Believe it or not, there is almost no place without at least some degree of backbiting; in schools, in corporate environments, and even among family relatives. As I grew up, I always thought, as I would grow up, the encounters I would have with backbiters will reduce. I used to somehow associate backbiting with immaturity and thought that older people don’t talk behind people’s backs. I have been taught by several experiences that my thought was absolutely wrong. As I grew up, the backbiting I encountered only increased more.

I know it is human tendency to love to gossip and talk about others more than about them except some narcissists, of course. In fact it is almost impossible not to talk about others if you want to have so- called pleasing conversations with several people. Most people who talk about something academic or philosophical etc are considered ‘boring’, while people who can talk non- stop bullshit about others are definitely found interesting by most. There might be people who might refute what I just said, but I can’t help feeling that this is how much of the society works. How in the world would something called ‘trust’ ever develop between people when backbiting prevails in such a great degree? Naturally, people are tempted to isolate from people around them and instead go pay a shrink to talk to. But what hurts more is when you don’t talk behind people’s back, and yet people assume that you spoke ill of them behind them and then move away from you. I have had experiences where I would come to know later that people who I considered as really good friends had actually spoken ill of me or leaked out secrets of mine or worst still, said false things about me behind my back. I learnt most of my lessons in backbiting during my undergrad days. There was a certain period in my life back during my undergrad days, where I felt I could not trust anyone and was scared of talking to anyone of the fear that they might misuse anything I speak against me. I don’t think I can ever get over that fear completely, but I have slowly learnt my ways of dealing with such situations though mostly there is nothing much one can do once the damage has been done.

It is inevitable to bitch about people you don’t like and in some cases you can’t complain of someone bothering you, say a boss or a professor or a celebrity right in front of them, and I am sure others do that about you too. But I don’t think it is fair enough to talk ill about someone and ruin their lives in any way. Think of being a victim of someone’s backbiting where you are at a loss; honestly it is not very pleasing. I feel strongly that you don’t necessarily have to do good for everyone surrounding you, but you can definitely make sure that you are not doing any bad to anyone around you and at the least not talk to everyone about things people told you because they trusted you.

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