Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Killer called insecurity

Right from my childhood I have often suffered from this disease called insecurity. As a kid, when people teased me, I used to so often feel low about myself and feel I am not good enough. Thanks to my parents, later my brother and then of course my bff that during several phases of life everytime I felt insecure they were always with me, they still are.
I have tried hard to understand why people feel insecure, in particular, I paid attention to why I have always been insecure. At different times of introspections, I have gotten different answers to this question. Yet what I have come to realize is that, a lot of times rejections lead to insecurities. When people who were close leave your life and go, when someone rejects the person you are and when all efforts you put in to make someone happy ultimately yeild in nothing but tears, insecurity is natural. But what I have also come to learn from life is that, one of the best ways to get rid of insecurity is to accept first that you are insecure. This itself is like half battle won. When you have the guts to accept that you are insecure, smart thing to do would be to avoid any sources of insecurity. We always feel that we are not good enough for some people, but in the process, we forget that we are loved and liked for what we are by some people. It is these people who really care for you. I always try to be upfront about my insecurities, and most people try to run away from me when I talk about them, but there are some gutsy people who really care about me and stay with me and with time, they give me so much of confidence that, I forget insecurity with them.
This is one side of the puzzle, the other side though is to work within yourself to get rid of this beast. As i mentioned, acceptance is the first step. After that, remind yourself that you are worth everything and everyone. Remember god has made each of us with a purpose. Just because a bunch of losers make us feel low does not in anyway mean that we are bad or low or inferior. I am not going to say, look into the mirror and smile at yourself. But then remind yourself that afterall you are also like any other human being and deserve to be happy and loved and people who cannot love are people who have issues of their own. One thing insecure people always do is sulk from within and keep pitying their condition. Self pity has never ever helped anyone. These people eventually become so miserable that they live their lives with a fear. That reminds me of Po Bronson's line - Get rid of the fear factor, pursue your dreams. Easier said than done, but definitely not impossible. Surround yourself with positive thoughts and positive people. Remember you cannot be nice to everyone and cannot please everyone. If someone leaves you, that is not because you were not good enough, but because they were losers, who did not have the courage to be with you. People who really love you will never ever leave you and be with you, even when you are in the worst of your shapes.
I have also been always taught by some of my well wishers that sometimes, you can be happy with yourself and happiness does not have to come from the people around. I always get confused on this statement that happiness comes from within. But may be it really is true. Pursuit of happiness should probably begin from within.
The reason, I am writing this blog here today, is because after a lot of struggle, yet again today, I felt insecure and I had to go back to basics and convince myself that I am good enough and if someone ignores me then they can very well go hang themselves. Afterall we have this one life and all we want is to be happy.

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